A couple of years ago I wrote a blog about my 92 yr. old sister and what an example she has been to me all my life.
Today I continue the saga.
Two weeks ago her husband of 69 years went "home". Bob and I flew to NY and I elected to stay with her an extra week. I can just imagine how hard it would be to bury your loved one. There's a lot of activity surrounding the funeral - calling hours, messages arriving, food arriving, people calling, the funeral itself - then - suddenly, everyone has gone home. Suddenly the house brimming with people hours ago is lonesomely quiet. I decided to stay with her to help 'ease' her into the quietness.
My daughter and I covenanted to each call her at least twice a week for awhile. I made my second call today - couldn't reach her yesterday because she was gone. Today she told me how her week ahead is shaping up -Sunday supper with a nephew, lunch on Monday with a friend who was widowed several years ago, meeting on Tuesday Night, St. Patrick's Day dinner at church on Wednesday, - I think Thursday Night is open - maybe Friday, too, volunteer at Food Pantry on Saturday.
Again - she is my example - my mentor over the miles. She admits that she gets "weepy" at unsuspected moments of the day, but her grief is tempered by the fact that she knows she will see him again someday, and in the meantime, life is to lived.
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Sunday, August 8, 2010
This written in frustration. I need to vent somewhere. Having lived in the mid-west for some 43 years and having become a born again Christian 37 years ago, I am accustomed to having people talk about being 'born again', 'saved', 'asking Jesus into their hearts', 'receiving Christ' - all the wonderful jargon that Christians use. I'm also used to hearing people talk about loved ones when they die - whether they have 'gone home to be with the Lord' - whether they never accepted Christ, etc.
The frustraton comes because my relatives in New York never talk about these things. It's as though everyone goes to heaven when he or she dies. It doesn't matter if that person shunned church all his life, used the Lord's name in vain constantly - still when he dies, he's in heaven.
Please!
Now with my niece recently dead, no mention is made of her alcoholism, her life spent fighting demons -
I wish I knew that she is in heaven. It would give me peace. Did I ever witness to her? Yes, but never got any response. I'm not trying to say that because she was an alcoholic she couldn't be in heaven. I believe she could be. It's just that we have no assurance.
Next week when we go to her memorial service is going to be very hard. I wonder if the pastor who is doing the service will even mention Jesus' name. I'll let you know next week.
The frustraton comes because my relatives in New York never talk about these things. It's as though everyone goes to heaven when he or she dies. It doesn't matter if that person shunned church all his life, used the Lord's name in vain constantly - still when he dies, he's in heaven.
Please!
Now with my niece recently dead, no mention is made of her alcoholism, her life spent fighting demons -
I wish I knew that she is in heaven. It would give me peace. Did I ever witness to her? Yes, but never got any response. I'm not trying to say that because she was an alcoholic she couldn't be in heaven. I believe she could be. It's just that we have no assurance.
Next week when we go to her memorial service is going to be very hard. I wonder if the pastor who is doing the service will even mention Jesus' name. I'll let you know next week.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Next week Bob and I will travel to NYS for the memorial service for my oldest niece, Carol. So many thoughts are traveling through my mind.
What a waste of an intelligent mind with so much potential. When and why did she go wrong? Carol was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. The two combined to shorten her life. She went to 'rehab' at least two times that I know of, to no apparent avail. Carol was, at one time, the head of the math department at the high school where she taught. Gradually she lost that position, getting downgraded each year, until at last, she was let go. Demon alcohol was the problem.
I agonize for my 92 yr. old sister and 93 yr. old brother-in-law. It is not natural nor normal to bury your child. I've prayed through the years that they would not experience this one travesty. It is not to be.
My sister is very strong - emotionally. I think she must be. I also think she has done her grieving in the past. This is just the moment that her grieving has become real.
I remember Carol as a cute 2yr. old with braids down her back. I am only 11 years older. When I was around her I was the 'mommy'. She liked me to wash her hair because I would take the time to carefully untangle all the snarls - I guess that was before the rinse for hair was invented that kept hair from tangling. I would carefully untangle all that hair, comb it out, and then wash it.
Another of my memories is when she was staying the night with us. I had some athlete's foot at the time and I was using Absorbine Jr. on my toes. It stung a little when it hit an infected spot. I'd make a big deal out of it, screaming and jumping around as if in great pain. Then Carol and I would collapse on the bed giggling and hugging each other.
Carol was a beautiful seamstress. She had learned to sew though 4-H and made many of her own clothes and those of her two daughters when they were young. Lately she had been making quilts, and her work was beautiful.
She and her husband lived in a mobile home in Florida, and I marveled that she could produce such beautiful quilts in such a limited space.
Goodbye, Carol. I have no idea if I will see you 'on the other side'. I would like to know that you are at peace.
What a waste of an intelligent mind with so much potential. When and why did she go wrong? Carol was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. The two combined to shorten her life. She went to 'rehab' at least two times that I know of, to no apparent avail. Carol was, at one time, the head of the math department at the high school where she taught. Gradually she lost that position, getting downgraded each year, until at last, she was let go. Demon alcohol was the problem.
I agonize for my 92 yr. old sister and 93 yr. old brother-in-law. It is not natural nor normal to bury your child. I've prayed through the years that they would not experience this one travesty. It is not to be.
My sister is very strong - emotionally. I think she must be. I also think she has done her grieving in the past. This is just the moment that her grieving has become real.
I remember Carol as a cute 2yr. old with braids down her back. I am only 11 years older. When I was around her I was the 'mommy'. She liked me to wash her hair because I would take the time to carefully untangle all the snarls - I guess that was before the rinse for hair was invented that kept hair from tangling. I would carefully untangle all that hair, comb it out, and then wash it.
Another of my memories is when she was staying the night with us. I had some athlete's foot at the time and I was using Absorbine Jr. on my toes. It stung a little when it hit an infected spot. I'd make a big deal out of it, screaming and jumping around as if in great pain. Then Carol and I would collapse on the bed giggling and hugging each other.
Carol was a beautiful seamstress. She had learned to sew though 4-H and made many of her own clothes and those of her two daughters when they were young. Lately she had been making quilts, and her work was beautiful.
She and her husband lived in a mobile home in Florida, and I marveled that she could produce such beautiful quilts in such a limited space.
Goodbye, Carol. I have no idea if I will see you 'on the other side'. I would like to know that you are at peace.
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