Next week Bob and I will travel to NYS for the memorial service for my oldest niece, Carol. So many thoughts are traveling through my mind.

What a waste of an intelligent mind with so much potential. When and why did she go wrong? Carol was an alcoholic and heavy smoker. The two combined to shorten her life. She went to 'rehab' at least two times that I know of, to no apparent avail. Carol was, at one time, the head of the math department at the high school where she taught. Gradually she lost that position, getting downgraded each year, until at last, she was let go. Demon alcohol was the problem.

I agonize for my 92 yr. old sister and 93 yr. old brother-in-law. It is not natural nor normal to bury your child. I've prayed through the years that they would not experience this one travesty. It is not to be.

My sister is very strong - emotionally. I think she must be. I also think she has done her grieving in the past. This is just the moment that her grieving has become real.

I remember Carol as a cute 2yr. old with braids down her back. I am only 11 years older. When I was around her I was the 'mommy'. She liked me to wash her hair because I would take the time to carefully untangle all the snarls - I guess that was before the rinse for hair was invented that kept hair from tangling. I would carefully untangle all that hair, comb it out, and then wash it.

Another of my memories is when she was staying the night with us. I had some athlete's foot at the time and I was using Absorbine Jr. on my toes. It stung a little when it hit an infected spot. I'd make a big deal out of it, screaming and jumping around as if in great pain. Then Carol and I would collapse on the bed giggling and hugging each other.

Carol was a beautiful seamstress. She had learned to sew though 4-H and made many of her own clothes and those of her two daughters when they were young. Lately she had been making quilts, and her work was beautiful.

She and her husband lived in a mobile home in Florida, and I marveled that she could produce such beautiful quilts in such a limited space.

Goodbye, Carol. I have no idea if I will see you 'on the other side'. I would like to know that you are at peace.